Monthly Archives: January 2012

Refresh and Renew – New Year’s Resolutions

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This is the time of year when the naysayers start saying, “I told you so.”  For every person making a new year’s resolution this year, it seemed there was another person pooh poohing resolutions as a whole.

“In 6 weeks, most people forget their resolutions anyway,” they sniffed.

Even so, I say bring on the new year’s resolutions!  The new year means the courage to try something new.  When we try something new, we grow.

A new year and new choices can mean surprising (and sweet) outcomes.

The blank pages in a new year’s calendar beckon to be filled with dreams long held back. 

This year in particular, the new year has energized me with the courage to take more risks. 

Often in my life, when wanting to embark on something new (be it a habit, an activity, or something else) the past would weigh me down, preventing progress.  I’d promise myself to wake up earlier, then dismiss the thought with a tired, “Oh I’ve tried that before.  It didn’t work.”  I know that we’ve all wanted to take risks — to pitch an idea at work or share our poems at spoken word night, for example, only to be stopped by fear and the pain of past failure.

But in the new year, the burdens of the past are wiped away.  Or at least lightened.

One risk I’ve taken this year is to sign up for Toastmasters.  It’s an international speakers club with local chapters that allows members to practice giving speeches, making impromptu remarks, leading meetings, and evaluating others’ speeches.  With practice, I will become a better speaker so that I can present my ideas more convincingly and advance myself personally and professionally.

As Indian American women, we tend to be outspoken in the home but not in public.  At work, we’re all too happy to toil diligently at our desks, hoping that our hard work will be recognized, but reluctant to recount our contributions to our peers or superiors.  This is compounded by our Asian roots.  Asian values tell us that hard work is rewarded and that we should not boast about our own performance.  Instead, we should credit the team, or just be humble.  So we are surprised when we are passed over for a promotion or when someone else is chosen to do a client presentation, despite all of our hard work.  Unfortunately, our tendency to put our heads down and work instead of boldly stating our contributions prevents us from advancing as we should in our personal and professional worlds.

Some would say, but what if you try something new and fail?

In my opinion, that’s a win.  At least you tried.  And maybe now you are one step closer to the goal you envisioned for yourself.  Or you’ve figured out a strategy that will help you nail it the next time.

What are your new year’s resolutions?  Have you kept them?  What risks have you taken or do you plan to take this year?  Do you discuss new year’s resolutions with your kids?  What are their resolutions?

Like what you see?  Want to read more?  Follow me on Twitter @Iammomsblog, follow me on Pinterest at Iammomsblog, or subscribe to I Am Moms to receive posts by e-mail.

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What to Do with Brown Bananas

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Like comedy, bananas are all about timing.  Too early and they make your mouth stick together, too late and they’re a brown, spotty, overly sweet mess.  But when you get the timing right (for me, perfectly yellow with not a single spot), they put a smile on your face.

Unfortunately, in the I Am Family we usually miss that perfect yellow window and head straight into brown spot land.  So we have lots of spotty bananas that we don’t want to eat but don’t want to throw away.

Most of our bananas end up looking like this.


My favorite way to use up brown bananas are to stick them in the freezer (it’s better if you peel them and cut them into chunks first), and then make them into a quick and healthy smoothie.  The best part is, the mushy texture and overly sweet taste actually adds to these smoothies.

My favorite “recipe”:

1 brown banana, peeled
splash of orange juice
2/3 cup or so of lowfat or nonfat Greek yogurt
1 teaspoon of flax seeds

Put all of these ingredients into your blender and blend until combined.

That’s it!  It’s nice to be able to stick the bananas in the freezer and use them when you are ready.  Plus, the Greek yogurt gives you tons of protein and the flax seeds give you fiber and omega-3 fatty acids (especially nice for those of us who don’t eat fish).  The tang of the orange juice counteracts the sweetness of the bananas.

Perfect to feed your kids after school.  It’s also a nice after-work snack for when are ravenous enough to eat half a block of chocolate but know you should choose something healthier.

How do you use up your brown bananas?  Share your ideas in the comments.

www.iammoms.com

End of Maternity Leave Survival Guide

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This post is the first in a series I’m writing for work outside the home moms (WOHMs).  Many of us are the first in our families to work outside the home, and in this series I offer tips and tricks to make this never-easy process a bit easier. 

THE END OF MATERNITY LEAVE

The day that you’ve been waiting for (or dreading) is fast approaching.  The end of maternity leave.  Your life has just done a 180 and now you’re going to go back to your old job under completely new circumstances.

I’ll be honest, by the time the end of my leave rolled around, I was ready to go back.  I missed the intellectual challenge and social interaction of working outside the home.  But that didn’t mean I wasn’t overwhelmed by the prospect of returning to work and nervous about being away from I Am Baby all day.

Here’s what I wish I knew before I returned to work.

Read more after the jump.


BEFORE YOU RETURN
1) Select Childcare and Attend Orientation (Several Months to 1 Month Before)

  • Research childcare options (you should probably do this while you are pregnant).  
    • Use word of mouth, online message boards, and state regulatory websites (where you can check for daycares that have violated state regulations) to narrow down your options. 
    • Take tours of childcare centers and/or interview nannies.
  • About a month before you return to work, inquire about a formal orientation (many daycares have them), where you will learn what supplies you need and forms you must complete before starting childcare.  Many require the child’s pediatrician to fill out forms, so give yourself enough time to get this done.
  • If a nanny or family member will be caring for your child, meet with him or her and go over hours, expectations, necessary supplies, etc.

2) Plan to Start Childcare Before Your First Day Back (1 Month to 1 Week Before)

  • Things will go much more smoothly if you stagger your return to work and the start of formal childcare.  
  • If you have the flexibility, have your spouse or a family member watch the baby in your home for the first few weeks (or months) after you return to work.
  • If this is not an option, start formal childcare the week before you return to work.  
    • This will allow you to get used to the pickup/drop-off procedures and allow you to practice getting out of the house on time before you have the actual work pressure to do so.

3) The Start of Childcare

  • Expect it to be hard the first days and weeks. 
    • There are a lot of supplies to wrangle. 
    • You have to ensure that your baby is dressed and has a clean diaper when it is time to leave (no small feat).
    • You have to be sure that you are dressed and clean when it is time to leave (no small feat). 
    • You will probably be emotional about leaving your baby with someone else. 
  • Figure out how to communicate with your childcare provider.  
    • Some will send you text or picture messages and others will call you to check in during the day.  
    • If there are tears at drop-off (yours or baby’s), it is nice when you can get an update in a few hours to know that your baby is fine.
  • Use this week to prepare yourself for your return to work.  
    • Contact your supervisor to confirm your return to work date and find out if there are any administrative matters to take care of.  If you are breastfeeding, let your supervisor know you will need a private room to pump in. 
    • Check in with coworkers to get filled in on events that you’ve missed at work (you should do this periodically throughout your maternity leave too). 
    • Practice using your breastpump (if you will be pumping). 
    • Set out your work clothes for the first week; this includes trying them on to make sure they fit.  If not, borrow some from a friend or buy yourself some transitional pieces.  
    • Cook meals for the first week of work and freeze them so you don’t have to worry about cooking during the hectic first week back.

4) Breastpump Matters

  • If you are pumping, you’ll want to have all essential supplies in your pumping bag with extras stashed in your desk. 
  • Here are the supplies I like to keep on-hand: 
    • Breastpump and all parts
      • Power cord and tubing
      • Bottles to pump into
      • Connectors, membranes, and breast shields 
    • Milk Storage Supplies
      • Bottles or bags. I liked Lansinoh storage bags
      • Cooler (comes with some pumps)
      • Large ice pack (comes with some pumps)
    • Hands-free pumping bra (allows you to work while pumping)
      • Don’t buy – make your own with a cheap but snug-fitting sports bra. 
        • Put on the sports bra and use a pen to mark where your nipples are.  Take off the bra and snip a vertical slit (about 1 inch long) with the pen mark landing in the middle of the slit.  That’s it!  You can put on the bra, slip in the breast shields over your breasts, and thread the spout part of the breast shield through the slits.  Then attach them to the connectors as usual.
    • Hand towel and paper towels to clean up milk drips and spills
    • Extra nursing pads (in case you forget to put them on in the morning rush)
    • Photos, video of baby on cell phone (helps stimulate let down)
    • Extra blouse (optional, in case of spills)
    • Nursing apron (optional)

THE BIG DAY: YOUR FIRST DAY BACK AT WORK
1) If Possible, Choose a Midweek Day To Return

  • It helps not to have to go through a full week on your first week back.  
  • You’ll probably have a lot of disruptions between catching up on e-mails and fielding visitors who will want to welcome you back and grill you about the baby.  It helps to have a day or so to get re-acclimated.

2) Build Allies at Work

  • “Allies” are the colleagues who will help you transition back to the workplace.  They can help you by filling you in on things that have happened while you were gone, advising you on changes to office workflows, reminding you of things that may have slipped your mind during your leave, and more.
  • The best allies are trusted colleagues.  Especially helpful are mothers of young children and/or those who have recently returned to work from maternity leave.
  • When you return, these can be your first contacts when you have questions about work.  
  • They also serve as a great support network for the frustrations and challenges of being a WOHM.

3) Promote Yourself As A Competent Equal

  • Even with family-friendly employers, women who take maternity leave are often stigmatized.  You want to diffuse this by showing that you’re still the competent professional you were before leave.
  • People will put you in the “mom-box” — a person who is now primarily concerned with being a mother and is only tangentially relevant to the workplace.  This is an extreme statement, but even in our modern times, this is a huge issue for WOHMs. 
  • Make sure you always promote yourself as a competent professional and equal, emphasizing your contribution to the workplace where appropriate.
  • Resist the temptation to go on and on about your baby and maternity leave. You’ll be dying to talk about your little pookie, but try to steer the conversation back to work (e.g. “Yes, little pookie is quite a joy, but it’s nice to be back at work.  I’m looking forward to working on x project.).”  If the colleague insists on focusing on baby, invite him or her to catch up over lunch.

4) Work Hard, But Go Easy on Yourself

  • Yes, you’re a competent professional, but this is a difficult transition and you probably won’t be perfect on day 1. 
  • Do whatever you can to make your life easier.  Focus on the bare essentials – getting your child to childcare, yourself to work, and keeping the family clean and fed (and I’m not implying you should do this alone).  As you get the hang of your new routines, you can add in new tasks beyond the bare essentials.
  • Ask for help from your partner, and be specific.  For example, ask him/her to pick up groceries, wash bottles in the evening and pack them for the next day, or handle drop-off/pick up a certain number of times per week.  There is much to be done and you must work together to accomplish it all.
  • Over time, you will figure out systems that work for you.  It’s never easy, but it does get easier!

Do you have any other tips to add?  What was the most challenging part of returning to work?  

www.iammoms.com

Paula Deen is the Worst Kind of Auntie

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So, I read with interest (but not much surprise) today Paula Deen’s announcement that she has Type 2 diabetes.

Paula Deen’s Unhealthy Foods Catch Up With Her
You probably know that Paula Deen has made a name for herself cooking butter-drenched, sugary southern foods.  She claims that she did so responsibly, encouraging people to eat the decadent foods in moderation (even though most of her shows feature numerous unhealthy recipes–suggesting that people should cook that way every day).  Despite her disease, she plans to continue cooking the same way on her show.  And she’s inked a lucrative contract to become the spokesperson of Novo Nordisk, the company that makes her diabetes medication.  Where do I even begin?

Go ahead and eat all this butter.  Increase your risk factors, develop T2 diabetes, and then take the medications I recommend!

Familiar Attitude? Yes, We’ve Seen It With Uncles and Aunties. 
This attitude reminds me so much of our Indian aunties and uncles.  So often, they are in denial about serious health issues.  Buttery, oily, and sugary food is celebrated.  Vegetarians (like me) tend to eat very carb-heavy foods like potatoes and white rice.  It’s worse at social gatherings like weddings or dinner parties.  If anyone brings up the idea of eating healthy, it’s pooh-poohed as being vain or unnecessary.  I’ve often been told, “It’s only once in awhile.  We don’t eat like this every day.”  But our culture is so social and food-centric that special occasions up frequently and so do the unhealthy foods. 

“Eat More! More! More!”: Mealtimes with Aunties and Uncles
On top of cooking and eating unhealthy foods, many of aunties and uncles shun portion control.  Sometimes I avoid eating at aunties’ and uncles’ homes because I hate the inevitable game of being told, “eat more! You’re not eating anything,” and me insisting, “I’m eating, I’m eating.  I don’t want more.”  When I was a kid and later, a teen, I hated the inevitable taunts of, “What?  You dieting?  Why you on diet?” lines.  Though the aunties and uncles have eased up on the force-feeding, this attitude is still really prevalent in India.  One relative (who does not have diabetes) actually tells people he has diabetes to deflect the forced sweets when he visits India.  It is sad that only when you already have a disease will people respect your desire to eat healthfully.

The Irony: South Asians Are More Susceptible to Obesity-Related Diseases
We have good reason to try to eat and live healthfully.  Asian Americans are genetically predisposed to higher rates of Type 2 diabetes than the general population.  Obesity is a risk factor for Type 2 diabetes.  By the way, it’s also a risk factor for heart disease, which we’re also at higher risk for.

It’s Not All Bad News
Now I’m not saying that the aunties and uncles are the culprits here.  They actually have a lot to teach us about living healthfully.  Despite having very busy lives, most of the aunties in our parents’ generation cooked (and still cook) their families’ meals at home.  Generally speaking, this is healthier than eating out because the person cooking controls the amount of sugar, butter, oil, or other unhealthy ingredients in meals.  Eating out means hidden, added calories.

In recent years, many aunties and uncles have adopted healthier attitudes towards food and exercise.  They are cooking with far less oil, butter, sugar, etc. and working to lead more active lives. 

Plus, Indian food, done right, can be incredibly healthy.  The Gujarati staple of dal, bhaat, shakh, rotli (what many of us affectionately call DBSR) contains protein, healthy fats, complex carbohydrates, and fiber.  You just have to make it with less oil, whole wheat flour, and healthy veggies (i.e. go easy on the potatoes).  

It’s Not Their Problem, It’s Our Problem
This isn’t just an Indian auntie or uncle problem.  Americans as a whole are guilty of eating unhealthy foods and living sedentary lifestyles.  I don’t have you remind you of how many cookies, brownies, and other goodies showed up at the office during the last holiday season.  I, for one, did not walk off those goodies.  And I have to admit that despite the best intentions, I still have not managed to schedule regular exercise in my day.  As a working mom, it’s even easier to give into the temptation to buy takeout and veg out on the couch at the end of the day instead of hitting the gym.

Maybe Paula’s diagnosis can remind us to commit to healthier lifestyles this year.  After all, we are the new uncles and aunties, and we have the power to influence the generations before and after us. 

How do you integrate healthy living (cooking, exercise, etc.) into your daily routine?  Can you share any tips with the rest of us?

www.iammoms.com

Happy Uttarayan (Makar Sankranti)!

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Uttarayan, also called Makar Sankranti, is the festival of kites and is celebrated on January 14.  Some portions of south India celebrate it as Pongal, a harvest festival.  In a nutshell, Uttarayan is the day when the sun begins to travel northward and winter’s end approaches (check out this article that explains it).  In addition to flying kites, another Makar Sankranti tradition is to make ladus using tal (sesame seeds) or mamra (puffed rice) and gol (jaggery), and to hide coins inside them.

My favorite Makar Sankranti memory is of the only one that I spent in India.  My cousins, brother, and I (all between 6 and 10 years old at the time) snuck into the family storage room and got into the ladu container.  We broke open and ate most of the many ladus that our mothers had made for the family, pocketing the coins to spend on balloons from a street vendor and to rent bikes for the afternoon.


Generally, my family’s India visits took place in December, so even though we weren’t in India for any other Makar Sankrantis, we were able to experience early kite flying with my many cousins.  In Mumbai, where many people live in multistory apartment buildings, the kids all climb up to the building terraces and fly kites together in the afternoon and early evening.  Some even cut each other’s kites down using their kite strings, which were coated in very finely ground glass.  Only the older kids used this kind of string because it tends to cut into the fingers as well (ouch!).  The kids compete to see whose kite will stay up the longest without being cut down.  In the book The Kite Runner, the narrator describes the same kind of kite flying competition in Afghanistan.

Some of the kites I saw in India were really amazing.  Many were made from upcycled biscuit (cookie) wrappers and other waste materials.  I always felt like India was way ahead of the curve when it came to upcycling, recycling, and creating products from natural materials (Did you ever eat out of those disposable leaf plates?  How cool were those!).

In honor of Makar Sankranti, I’m posting this “how to make a kite” tutorial from TLC Family.  It doesn’t look like these kites can fly but would be a fun indoor activity to pass the dreary winter days and teach your kids about Makar Sankranti:

http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/paper-kites.htm

Did you celebrate Makar Sankranti when you were growing up?  What are your favorite memories?

www.iammoms.com

Postpartum Wardrobe Assistance: A Review of Nordstrom’s Personal Stylist Service

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Postpartum clothing shopping is like a cruel joke.  Yippee!  I get to shop.  Oh.  That size doesn’t fit me anymore.  Neither does that one.  Neither does THAT one.  Holy hell, I still look pregnant in this outfit.  

We all know that pregnancy does a number on your body.  You waddle instead of walk, your joints ache, your feet swell and get numb, and by the time you are ready to deliver, you want nothing more than to have your old body back.  In my pre-baby naivete, I pondered buying a cute spring dress in my prepartum size to wear just after my son’s birth.  By that point, I was 9 months pregnant and had even outgrown my maternity clothes.  I Am Dad would point out the “Bubba patch,” belly skin that sometimes peeped out from below my maternity sweater and above my elastic maternity pants waistband (you former preggos know the Bubba patch!).  I couldn’t even see the Bubba patch over my pregnant belly (though I sometimes felt the cool breeze).  I was ready to put the Bubba patch away and return to my svelte and stylish old self.


Turns out that after I delivered, I was still FAR from my pre-pregnancy size.   During my maternity leave, I picked up a few casual, breastfeeding-friendly dresses and tops to wear until I could get back into my prepregnancy size.  I thought for sure I’d be back into my prepartum clothes by the time I returned to work.  After all I was breastfeeding.  Didn’t that burn like 500 calories a day?  Fast forward to 2 weeks before I was due to return to work, and prepregnancy work clothes still didn’t fit.  My maternity clothes were all winter clothes, and I was slated to return to work in the muggy DC summer.  I decided to get some cheap duds to tide me over until I could get back into my prepregnancy clothes.

I scoured the mall and discount stores like Marshalls and TJ Maxx.  The plan was to buy dresses that I could wear over and over with different accessories until I could get back into my old clothes.  Turns out that it was very difficult to find outfits that were (a) flattering on a body shape that I wasn’t used to, (b) breast-feeding friendly (I planned to pump at work and didn’t want to wear silks or other high-maintenance fabrics), (c) work-appropriate, and (d) cheap (after all, these were only temporary, I kept reminding myself).  With a new baby to care for, I was short on time too.  A month into my return to work, I was feeling frumpy and sick of wearing the same drab things over and over.  Of course, I was still not back into my prepregnancy size.

I hit upon what I thought was the perfect solution with Nordstrom’s Personal Stylist service.  No, I didn’t want to spend Nordstrom prices on outfits that I hoped would be too big for me in several months.  But I had read on an online message board that a Nordstrom Personal Stylist could work with a budget of $20-30 for tops and a similarly reasonable price for other articles (e.g. pants, dresses).  Sounded like a dream come true for time-crunched, limited wardrobe me.

Unfortunately, Nordstrom’s Personal Stylist service didn’t deliver.

There were several problems.  First, the website form promised that someone would contact me within 24 hours.  No one did.  Several days to a week later, someone finally contacted me.  We went back and forth over e-mail and set up an appointment.  Then I showed up for the appointment, and the Personal Stylist stood me up!  Apparently there had been a mix-up–the stylist thought she e-mailed me to cancel the appointment, but she never had.  We rescheduled.

Fast forward to the rescheduled appointment.  The Nordstrom Personal Stylist was very sweet and a mom herself.  When I explained my needs, she was very reassuring and shared her own struggle with dressing her postpartum body.  I clearly told her my price range of $20-30 per top and let her know that if this was not realistic, I would be happy to just shop on my own.  She said that range was a bit low but that we could get close to that price range by shopping in the cheaper sections of the store.  I was excited to finally get some flattering and pretty new outfits.

We set out to look at clothes from the different sections of the store, but it was clear that the Nordstrom Personal Stylist was not sticking to the price range we agreed to.  Instead, the pieces she showed me were in the $70-$100 range.  When we walked by the sale racks, she let me go through them on my own.  But she picked out lots of full-price pieces to show me.  I tried on probably 20 different pieces (some were items I had picked out from the sale rack but most were the $70-$100 pieces that the Nordstrom Personal Stylist had chosen for me).  Nothing fit me well, but eventually I purchased one top that was just okay for $70, because I felt that I somehow owed it to the Nordstrom Personal Stylist for spending about 2 hours with me (even though she had made it clear that the service was free and there was no obligation to buy).  Just before I was rung up, I found a beautiful dress on a sale rack in one size smaller than my size.  The Nordstrom Personal Stylist helped me order one in my size from another store.  Because they didn’t have it in stock, Nordstrom would ship it to me free of charge. 

After I paid and was getting ready to leave, the Nordstrom Personal Stylist told me that she would keep an eye out for outfits in my price range and preferred style.  She promised to call.  It’s been 3 months, and I haven’t heard a peep from her.

Oh yeah, and when I came home, I tried on the $70 top again and it wasn’t flattering enough to keep for that price.  So back to the store it went.  And the dress I ordered?  It made me look pregnant.

The Nordstrom Personal Stylist service wasn’t a total loss though.  My Nordstrom Personal Stylist taught me a euphemism for “my stomach looks huge in this,” which was, “that outfit is too structured for your present body.”  That takes the sting out of it!  Also, she helped me figure out the colors that are most flattering for me.  This was helpful because I tend to be a person who wears all colors regardless of what is “flattering” on my skin tone.

Still, I was disappointed with the experience, especially because I had high hopes given Nordstrom’s reputation for stellar customer service.

Bottom line: I would not recommend Nordstrom Personal Stylist service for your postpartum wardrobe needs.  A better option would be to grab a trusted friend who will be brutally honest (and who has a similar body type) and spend an afternoon at the mall buying basics that can be mixed and matched. If you choose the right styles, they can be altered when you finally get back to your postpartum size (at almost a year postpartum, I’m still not there!). 

www.iammoms.com

Quick Weeknight Meals – Sev Usal

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The Draw of Home-Cooked Meals
When I was growing up, my family ate a home-cooked dinner together almost every night.  My mom and kaki (aunt) would cook delicious, multicourse meals, and my family would gather around the kitchen table to feast and reconnect at the end of a long day.  To this day, my parents’ house is known as the place where people gather around the kitchen table to eat and talk for hours on end about anything and everything.

The Challenge of Home-Cooked Meals
Now that I have a family of my own, I would love to recreate this tradition.  One big challenge, though, is how to get dinner on the table on weeknights.  I Am Dad and I both work outside the home full-time. When we get home from work, we have lots to do: feed and bathe I Am Baby and put him to bed; make and eat our dinner; wash all of the bottles and food containers that I Am Baby used at daycare that day; wash the breastpump parts that I used that day; fill and label all bottles and baby food containers that I Am Baby will use daycare the following day; clean up the dinner dishes; and (if we’re feeling ambitious) pack our own lunches.

Because we’re short on time and energy with all of these tasks on our plates, weeknight dinners have to be easy to make, filling, and healthy.  It’s great if we can cook them in one pot.  That’s the inspiration for my quick weeknight meals series.  The first one I’ll feature is Sev Usal.

 One Solution: Sev Usal

Sev usal is a Gujarati favorite and a recipe that I learned from I Am Dad.  It’s a delicious hot soup made of white peas topped with tomatoes, onions, baked potato chunks, and sev (a Gujarati fried snack).  It’s filling and has protein, fiber, and flavor.  I’m terrible with recipes and tend to eyeball ingredients rather than measure, so this “recipe” is more of a guide.

You’ll need:

Main Dish:

  • 1 cup of white peas
  • cumin
  • coriander-cumin powder (dhana jeeru)
  • lal marchu (red chili powder)
  • garam masala
  • salt
  • lemon juice
  • cooking oil

Garnish:

  • 1 large potato, boiled and diced
  • 1 tomato, diced
  • 1/2 an onion, diced
  • Sev (I buy this readymade from the Indian store, unless my mom or mother-in-law has made some for us) 
  • Sweet chutney (tamarind chutney – “cheat” recipe can be made with jarred apple butter and spices and frozen)
  • Green chutney (made with cilantro, green chile, peanuts, and spices and frozen)

Directions: 

  • Soak the peas for at least 4 hours in a container that can be put in a pressure cooker (I like to do this step the night before)

    • Pressure cook the peas until they are soft but not so soft that they lose their shape and the skins have fallen off.  The time will vary depending on what pressure cooker you use, but I cooked mine for 25 minutes.  Wait until the cooker cools down to open it.
    • Take the container of peas out of the pressure cooker and do not drain.  
    • Pour about 2 or 3 tablespoons of oil into a large saucepan.  Once it’s hot enough, drop in about 1 tablespoon of cumin and let it fry.  You’ll know the oil is hot enough when you can tilt the pan around and the oil moves like water.  
    • Pour in the boiled peas and the pea water into the saucepan.  
    • Add salt to taste. 
    • Add the garam masala, cumin-coriander, and lal marchu to taste.  Start with a 1/2 teaspoon of each and build from there.  
    • Squeeze in lemon juice to taste.
    • Add water if needed (texture should be of a thick soup)
    • Simmer for 10 minutes or so to allow the flavors to blend.
    • Serve in bowls garnished with raw diced tomatoes, raw diced onions, boiled and diced potatoes, sev, green chutney, and sweet chutney.

    I know it doesn’t look delicious, but it tastes delicious!  Wish I had better photography skills.

    Some Shortcuts
    It takes about an hour to make this, but there is a lot of “passive cooking.”  For example, you can use the time the peas are being pressure cooked to cut up veggies, give your kid a bath, or help with homework.  You can also cut the prep time by pressure cooking the peas ahead of time and freezing them.  I imagine you could use a slow cooker to cook them too, but I’ve never done it that way.  You can prepare the chutneys ahead of time and freeze them.   Finally, you can chop up diced tomatoes and onions on the weekend and stick them in an airtight container.  They can be used for multiple meals throughout the week, including pizza, taco salad, pasta and veggie dishes, chole (garbanzo beans subji), and more.

    What are your favorite weeknight meals?  Do you pre-prepare them?

    www.iammoms.com

    It’s a Boy for Huma Abedin! Tips for Her and Other New Moms

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    Two weeks ago, Huma Abedin, Deputy Chief of Staff for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, gave birth to a sweet baby boy named Jordan Zain Weiner.  I’m not going to get into the issues that a lot of other media outlets reported on (why Huma stayed with her husband, the infamous Anthony Weiner of the sexting scandal from earlier this year).

    Instead, I’m going to tell you why I’m fascinated with Huma and the tips I’d give her and other new moms for handling life as a new mom.

    I’m fascinated with Huma for so many reasons.  First, she’s of South Asian descent, like I am.  Second, she has a fancy Washington job. Third, she’s fabulous!  And fourth, she’s a first time mom like I am. 

    Huma was born in Kalamazoo to parents who were academics from India and Pakistan.  She grew up in Saudi Arabia and went to college in DC.  She wanted to become a journalist and sought an internship with the White House press office.  But due to a mix-up, she was assigned to then First Lady Hillary Clinton’s office.  Over time, Huma impressed Ms. Clinton sufficiently to become her right-hand woman.  Huma also became known in Washington for her confidence, intelligence, and efficiency.

    If you’re like me, anytime you hear about anyone remotely important who is or even could be South Asian, you Google them immediately to see if they really are.  And if they are, you tell every South Asian you know that they are. Then you feel a little proud to know that someone important is South Asian (I can’t be the only one who feels this way!).

    So you’ll be just as excited as I was to find out that not only is she South Asian American with an important job, but also…wait for it…she was featured in Vogue magazine!  I can’t find the original article with all of the photos, but here’s a link to a few of the pictures with the full text of the article.  Huma’s beauty and elegance speak for themselves. 

    Check her out:

    She’s pregnant here.  Who looks this amazing when they are pregnant?

    But now Huma’s entering a new phase of life–motherhood.  There is so much to feel and know and do, and after experiencing the first few months, I was bursting to talk about it with other new moms.  That’s part of the reason I started this blog.

    So of course, I am bursting to talk to Huma about life as a new mom. I’d love to take her out for coffee or visit her, cook her lunch, and gab.  She’s going through one of the hardest stages of motherhood.  After the initial high of the birth and blissful first day, it is horrible and exhausting (at least it was for me)!  No sleep.  Round-the-clock feedings.  Hormonal roller coaster.  Breastfeeding woes.  The first experience with mom guilt.  Some of you are judging me now, but those of you who have gone through it recently enough will admit that the first 2 months are no picnic.  You’ll be happy to know that even though it is still hard, I absolutely adore being a mother now. 

    Going back to those first couple of months, one thing that made me feel INFINITELY better was talking to other new moms.  Breastfeeding and other new moms groups were a crucial social outlet.  And bless my wonderful friends who became moms months or years before I did and assured me in Facebook, e-mail, and text messages that what I was going through was a) normal, and b) temporary.

    (I would be amiss if I didn’t recognize my mom, who stayed with us for several weeks, taught us the ropes, cooked for us, and generally saved our lives when my son was a newborn!)

    So, back to my coffee date with Huma.  I’d give her a bunch of unsolicited advice.  Because, you know, she’s not getting enough of that already as a new mom.  Here is my advice for her and other new moms:

    1) Let yourself go (for now). It takes awhile to get your postpartum mojo back.  As a stylish woman, this may hit Huma pretty hard.  But to expect yourself to bounce back right away is stressful and will make you hate your life.  For now, just focus on getting used to life as a new mom and don’t expect much else from yourself.  After your baby turns 2 months old, you can *slowly* work on getting your groove back.

    2) Go easy on yourself in other respects.  When you’re ambitious and have high standards for yourself (I’m sure Huma falls into these categories), it’s hard when you fall short of your expectations.  But I’ll share an aha moment I had in that difficult first week postpartum.  Parenting is such a difficult task that no one should ever judge another person about how he or she does it.  Now I must say that I haven’t been able to maintain that saintly attitude, but I do try to remember not to judge myself or others too harshly.  Let your best be good enough for yourself.  Don’t try to be superwoman right now.

    3) Breastfeeding is HARD but can be mastered with help!  It seems like it would be “so easy a caveman could do it” (well, a cavewoman), but it is not.  If you are struggling, get help from a good lactation consultant (Pat Shelley at the Breastfeeding Center for Greater Washington is a lifesaver), and go to breastfeeding moms groups (Virginia Hospital Center in Arlington has a great one with a helpful listserv, and the Breastfeeding Center for Greater Washington has an excellent one too).  It helps to know that many women struggle with breastfeeding at the beginning, and it is just nice to talk to other moms.  I know this will probably be hard for her because she’s a celebrity in this town, but perhaps she could anonymize herself by wearing a big cap and sunglasses, skipping the signature red lip, and adopting her Starbucks name.

    4) Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Easier said than done, but when you’re type-A and used to being on the go all the time, you will be tempted to get stuff done while your baby sleeps.  Don’t.  Sleep and/or rest.  I had to “ground” myself from my smartphone so that I could force myself to rest.  Huma may have to do the same thing with her Blackberry (or all of her Blackberries, since she has more than one).

    5) Get out of the house.  When my son was born, I didn’t leave the apartment for a week (was so groggy and overwhelmed that I don’t think I realized this until the week was over).  It was terrible because I felt cooped up and depressed from not seeing anyone outside of my immediate family.  I realized to keep myself happy, I’d have to leave my apartment at least once every two days (or every day, ideally).  A simple trip to Target to just walk around did wonders for my morale.  Again, this will be a challenge for Huma since she’s a celebrity, but I’m sure she can pull it off.

    6) Read a few good books for fun only.  Reading will be something fun and low-key to do when you can’t sleep (because you feel like by the time you wind down enough to fall asleep your baby will be up again, and waking up from that long-awaited sleep would feel WORSE than the sleep deprivation you already feel).  You can also bring your baby into bed with you and do skin-to-skin while you are reading a book.  Some moms like Kindle for its portability, but I just got regular books.  I liked The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (a light hearted, fun read at a time when you’re questioning your priorities) and Tales of a Female Nomad by Rita Goldman Gelman (a travel memoir by a woman who abandoned her home and possessions to become a nomad, having adventures around the world). One rule, don’t read books that you “should” read, just read books that you want to read.

    7) Accept offers of help from those you trust.  There is so much to do with a newborn and you’re so sleep-deprived that normally manageable tasks like buying groceries, doing laundry, and taking out the trash feel impossible.  When your friends and family offer to help, be specific about what they can do, and let them do it.

    8) Take visitors only when you’re ready.  A corollary to #7.  You’re so tired that you don’t need the added pressure of entertaining or making yourself or your home presentable for company.  Other new parents will completely understand why you need time to yourself, and those you trust should understand why you need them to drop off that pack of diapers, do your dishes, hold the baby for a little while, then leave.  Everyone else can just get over their indignation at not being allowed to visit sooner.  Even if they did visit, there wouldn’t be much to see as babies don’t do much until 6-8 weeks anyway.  A convenient way to keep people away is to blame your pediatrician — “He/she said that because it’s cold and flu season we should wait to have visitors until after the baby gets his 2 month shots.”

    9) Commiserate with other new moms.  Though holding your baby for the first time is an amazing feeling, and it’s lovely to count those little fingers and toes in the first miraculous days after birth, that high soon wears off.  It’s replaced by a sense of vulnerability you’ve never felt, a weird hormonal soup inside you, physical pain from the birth, and sleep deprivation.  Newborns are incredibly demanding (they sleep in 45 minute cycles throughout the day, punctuated by feeding, diapering, burping, and rocking).  This, paired with the fact that you are brand new to it all and are waking up from deep sleep multiple times a night for the first time makes it so hard.  Seek out a new mom you trust to vent these negative feelings to.  They won’t judge you for feeling the way you do, and getting it all off your chest will free you to be a better mom to your baby.

    10) Get through the first two months somehow, and it will get better.  If you’re reading this and pregnant, I’ve probably scared the crap out of you.  I assure you, being a parent will be a WONDERFUL experience, the likes of which you’ve never had before.  My son is the greatest blessing of my life.  Seeing his little smile in the morning makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.  BUT it didn’t feel that way in the first 2 months, and that is a completely normal feeling.  I’ve been assured by even veteran parents that the newborn stage is the most difficult age.  So, do what you can to get through the first 2 or 3 months (I felt a turning point at 2 months, but the newborn stage technically ends at 3 months).  Over time, your baby will start doing more, you’ll develop your parenting routines, and parenting will become so much fun.  

    Well, Huma, if you are reading this, I would LOVE to take you out for coffee or hold little Jordan while you take a nap.  You can reach me at iammomsblog@gmail.com!

    If you are another new mom, I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments section, and you can email me too. 

    www.iammoms.com