I absolutely love Divali time because it brings back fond memories of my parents’ Divali poojas and parties.  The friends, family, food, and the warm glow of the divas were all magical.

Did you ever create rangolis like this?  Did you make one this year? 

As Indian American Toddler gets older, I want to share these special holidays with him too.  But with work and other obligations, I can’t go the full 9 yards like my parents did.

One easy way I found to celebrate Divali was to share activities and food with Indian American Toddler’s daycare class.

I know, I know, you’re thinking, “I barely have time to get through the normal workweek, let alone plan a big shindig for my kid’s class.”

But folks, this is easy peasy.  I promise.

STEP 1: Google “Divali pictures to color.”

STEP 2: Pick a picture, and underneath write a sentence or two about the significance of Divali.

Here is the picture I used.

STEP 3: Print copies for the class or have the teacher make copies at school.  The kids can color the picture with crayons or markers.

STEP 4: Buy freeze dried mangos at Trader Joe’s.  Nut-free, prepackaged, no sugar added.  All the moms will love you.  They taste like candy so the kids will love you too.

The freeze dried mango packets look like this.

STEP 5:  Play your air guitar.  You’re a rock star mom who just threw together a Divali celebration.

Now you may be thinking, “But Divali’s already passed.  Isn’t it too late to do this?”  Nope.  Unlike Christmas and Thanksgiving, most people don’t know the actual date of Divali, so it won’t seem untimely even if you celebrate it after the fact.  So what are you waiting for?  Plan your celebration today.

How did you celebrate Divali?  Can you share any tips with us other moms on how to pull together a celebration?

The problem is, we don’t have much time to try out products, and there are few cosmetics reviews by women of color out there.

I’d like to help fill in that gap with cosmetics reviews from time to time. Tell me what you think in the comments!

Here are a few swatches of lip colors I’ve been loving lately:

Revlon Just Bitten Kisable Balm Stain in Romance

This shade looks great on lots of skintones.  It’s a warm-toned red that brightens up your entire face.  I wear this all the time–at work and on the weekends.  It’s not glossy, but does have a sheen to it.

This product is part of the Balm Stain line–chunky crayon lip colors that apply really smoothly, simultaneously depositing a stain of color that soaks into the lips and a balm-like layer of color that sits on top of the lips.  The product leaves a minty tingle on your lips and is hydrating.  They last only a few hours, but I like the shade selection for darker skintones.  They are pricey for a drugstore color, at around 9 bucks a pop, but I like them for their smooth feel and low fragrance.

Revlon Just Bitten Kisable Balm Stain in Crush

This shade is perfect for the wine or dark berry lips trend of Fall 2012.  This is a classic Desi color, as we’ve known since our teen years that our darker skintones look great berry shades.  I find this a little dark for daytime, but I think if you’re comfortable with a darker lip this would be okay in the workplace too.

Revlon Colorburst Lipstick in Rosy Nude

Generally, when I hear the terms “rosy” and “nude” in a lipstick, I think it will make me look like a corpse or not show up at all.  Hello, pigmented lips, party of one.  But this color pleasantly surprised me by giving my lips a natural, but slightly rosy color.  It was pigmented enough to cover my darker toned lips.  If you have a caramel skintone, this shade would work well for days when you want a “no lipstick” look but still look polished.  Also, if you have small lips like I do, lighter colors like these will make your lips look fuller.

The Colorburst line of lipsticks is excellent because the lipsticks are highly pigmented, apply smoothly, and most importantly, have no fragrance.  I find the perfumey fragrance in a lot of other Revlon lipsticks offensive, so I was glad that they ditched that for this line.  Like most Revlon products, this is a bit pricey at $9.  But the drugstores frequently have sales and coupons, so be on the lookout for that if you like this shade.

Revlon Colorburst in Rosy Nude with Avon Renewing Rose Glazewear VitaLuscious Lip Gloss on top

The downside of Rosy Nude’s natural look is that it can make me look washed out.  It’s almost too natural.  For that reason, I like to use it as a base for lighter glosses.  It helps even the less pigmented ones show up more true to the shade in the container.  This one is Avon’s Renewing Rose.  It’s a gloss that looks scarily bright pink in the tube, but is a nice, wearable medium pink on the lips.

Ladies, what are your favorite beauty products?  Would you like to see more reviews on here?  Let me know, and I’ll try to put some more up.

Now onto our post…those of you on the East Coast are likely battening down the hatches for Frankenstorm.  I’m praying that we all stay safe from the bad weather.  Physical safety aside, parents of young kids will have the extra challenge of keeping the kids entertained while we wait out the storm.

Here are a couple of activities you can do with stuff you have right in your home.

Sensory Box 

You’ll need:

• a small shoebox
• uncooked rice
• dry beans
• small toys or objects (but no choking hazards!)

This is an easy peasy way to pass the time.

 Dump beans and rice into a small shoebox.

Hide some small toys under the beans and rice.  Little ones have a great time digging through the beans and rice.  And flinging it on the carpet.

Indian American Toddler liked this for a few minutes.  But mostly he liked flinging the beans and rice onto the carpet.  Still, it kept him busy.

This next one needs a bit of prep, so you may want to prepare the clay while you still have power.

Homemade Clay from Kitchen Ingredients

You’ll need:

• 1 cup baking soda
• 1/2 cup cornstarch
• 3/4 cup water
• Food coloring (optional)

That’s it!  I’ll bet most of you have these ingredients on your shelves already.  I found the recipe here.  (FYI, I only made a 1/2 portion of this recipe, because I didn’t want to get stuck with a ton of product like I did here.)

Put all of your ingredients into a pot, stir well, and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly.  When the mixture thickens, take it off the heat immediately.  If you keep it on too long, the mixture gets crumbly.

The clay should look like this.  Let it cool on a dish.

Once it is cool enough to handle, knead the clay a bit until it reaches a pliable consistency.

Now you can color the clay using food coloring.  Use a few drops of red and knead to get pink, then add a few drops of blue to make purple.  You can also divide the clay into several heaps and make each a different color, then mix together pieces of each color to get a third color.

Of course, we didn’t do that because Indian American Toddler wasn’t really interested in the clay.  Maybe we’ll have to wait until he’s older.

The clay dries out overnight, but you could try putting it in an airtight container to make it last longer.

What are your favorite indoor activities for kids?  I’d love to get some more ideas to weather the storm and winter weather.

Members of Sikh and Other Communities Attend Senate Hate Crimes Hearing

The hearing was convened, in part, in response to the Oak Creek Gurudwara shooting.  One of the goals of the hearing was to have the FBI commit to tracking data on hate crimes committed against Sikhs.  From what I’ve learned here in Washington, collecting data about a problem is crucial in changing government policy about it (read why Complainers are American Heroes here).

Photos of the shooting victims were displayed at the hearing.

I was shocked to learn that even though numerous hate crimes have been committed against U.S. Sikhs, including the heinous murder of Balbir Singh Sodhi in the immediate aftermath of 9/11 (his killer wanted revenge against someone he thought looked like a terrorist), the FBI is not currently counting hate crimes against Sikhs.

At the hearing, Senators heard testimony from several individuals, including Harpreet Singh Saini, a son of one of the shooting victims, Paramjit Kaur Saini. This brave young man moved the hearing room to tears with his powerful words, “I want to tell the gunman who took her from me: You may have been full of hate, but my mother was full of love.”

Harpreet described the problem perfectly:

“Senators, I came here today to ask the government to give my mother the dignity of being a statistic. The FBI does not track hate crimes against Sikhs. My mother and those shot that day will not even count on a federal form. We cannot solve a problem we refuse to recognize.”

Harpreet Singh Saini Testimony – A Must Read

At the hearing, Senator Dick Durbin asked why, after 2 years of demands by Sikh groups, the FBI still did not collect data about hate crimes against Sikhs.  FBI Deputy Assistant Director, Counterterrorism Division, Michael Clancy answered that the FBI would be convening a meeting in October to obtain the input of numerous religious groups to design forms that would capture information about hate crime victims, including Sikhs.

THE IMPACT OF THE HEARING

Clearly, the hearing served some important purposes.

1. It showed elected officials the power of Sikh and allied communities. 

Over 400 people attended the hearing, and Senate staffers had to accommodate about 100 people in an overflow room.Over 400 people attended the hearings, including individuals from Sikh, Muslim, and Hindu communities; groups such as the NAACP and the Southern Poverty Law Center; and elected officials including Milwaukee County Executive Chris Abele.

Eventually the line looped around in a switchback because so many people wanted to attend the hearing.

2. It encouraged South Asian Americans to become more politically active. 

This was my first time attending a Senate hearing.  I hadn’t realized that through concerted action, our communities could change FBI policy.  But when they aren’t serving the safety needs of our communities, we can.

It was amazing to be part of an audience of primarily South Asian Americans at a U.S. Senate hearing.  Many of us were first-timers.

3. A Lesson: Who You Elect Matters, and Don’t Be Afraid to Talk to Elected Officials

With election season in full swing, this is a crucial lesson to take home.  It matters who we elect, because they are who we depend on to ensure that federal, state, and local policies serve our communities.

Senator Durbin talked about his ongoing relationship with Sikh Coalition Co-Founder Amarjeet Singh, who urged him to help change FBI policy about collecting hate crime data regarding Sikhs.
Have you attended local, state, or federal government events?  Which one?  What did you think?  How do you think South Asian Americans can get more involved with our government?

So bear with me as I work on redesigning the site.  I know right now it looks like Dullsville, USA, but WordPress has so much potential.  I’m looking forward to jazzing up the blog!

I am also excited about the blog’s first birthday.  When I started blogging, I read that most blogs are abandoned within the first year.  I am glad that I have been overcome this hurdle and to write about important topics for the South Asian American community online.

In that vein, I’d love to hear suggested topics for future posts in the comments.

In the next few weeks, I’ll be doing a recap of I Am Moms first year.  Until then, enjoy the last few weeks of summer (how did it fly by so quickly).

What are your plans for the rest of the summer?  Anything fun on the agenda?

PROVE YOU’RE AMERICAN

And so South Asians again play a round of, “prove I’m American.”  We’re playing it now on two fronts.  One front: try to convince the greater American public that our tragedy is an American tragedy.  The other front: prove that we are not threats to America but rather proud citizens who contribute to our great nation.

The second front feels like a longer-fought battle.  Post 9/11, we all knew the drill.  Buy a “Proud to Be American” bumper sticker to put on your car.  Put up a huge flag in your front yard (one of the shooting victims had done just that).  If you drive a taxicab, fill it with patriotic memorabilia.  Our motives in emblazoning the flag on our property are probably mixed–we love America (we really, really do) but are also keenly aware that every day in suspicious glances on the subway or double-takes at the park, our loyalties are silently questioned.  Sometimes we aren’t just questioned, but also tried and punished in the blink of an eye. 

The innocent victims of the Oak Creek shootings illustrate that grim truth.

The Oak Creek shooter, a shaved-head white supremacist with a 9/11 tattoo, had been a singer in a hate rock band.  He openly railed against people of color, Jews, gays, and other minorities and talked about race war.  The Southern Poverty Law Center had been tracking him for 12 years due to his connections with influential hate groups.  And yet, he was able to purchase handguns legally. And yet, following his death, most don’t view white men (even white men with shaved heads) with suspicion.  He was an isolated wacko who did a bad thing.  As others have suggested, what if the shooter had been a Sikh or a Muslim man who attacked a church?  I’m sure that all of us Desis would be stocking up on American flag pins, stickers, and banners.  Because we wouldn’t have the luxury of having others see the attacker as an isolated wacko. 

This isn’t just conjecture.  In the aftermath of 9/11, hate crimes against Muslims, or those perceived to be Muslim increased dramatically.  I remember very shortly after the attacks, learning of the senseless murder of Sikh gas station attendant, Balbir Singh Sodhi, because his turban made him “look like” Osama bin Laden.

THE BURDEN OF THE TRAVELING EXHIBIT
Part of me feels like the solution lies in education.  Many Sikh organizations are already working toward this.  They have had public school curriculum include facts about the Sikh faith.  They have explained the tenets of Sikhism on TV, at work, and in their communities.

As ethnic and religious minorities, we’re placed in the role of traveling exhibit.  I’ll have to remember to print up an “Ask Me About Ganesh” lapel button.  The traveling exhibit role is a familiar one.  For as long as I can remember, during school heritage days and random conversations with strangers, my parents were armed with their traveling museum exhibit, “We are followers of the Vedas (Hindus), and here is what we do and why.”  My brother and I followed suit.  I always felt that I’d rather have people ask me than assume incorrect things about our religion and culture.  So we constantly educated people about our beliefs and practices. 

On the other hand, sometimes I just wanted to be who I was without having to explain myself every time I happened to come to school with henna on my hands.  Or run an errand while wearing a salwar khameez and bindi.  Or have a friend ride in our family’s car and not have to explain the pictures of Hindu gods.

MOVING FORWARD

Despite wanting to “just be,” as a practical matter, I think education should be an important part of our response to violence against South Asian American communities.

We need to make ourselves visible.  We need to hold public office.  We need to be active in our greater communities.  We need to be heads of companies.  We need to blog.  We need to teach America as a whole about our beliefs.  We need to publicize our contributions.

Maybe if we do it long enough and well enough, our kids won’t have to prove they’re American or be traveling exhibits.  Maybe they can just be.

RESOURCES
For more on what you can in response to the Oak Creek gurudwara shooting, click here.

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One struggle that South Asian American working women face is lack of community and family support for paid childcare.  A lot of us are the first in our families to place our children in paid childcare.  Many women in the older generation of Desis were stay at home moms.  Others sent children away to live with relatives in South Asia or had relatives serve as live-in caregivers until the children were school-aged. 

But from my anecdotal evidence, few placed their children with a paid nanny or in daycare.  So there can be a lot of negativity or just general misinformation about our generation of women’s decision to place our children in paid childcare. 

Here are 6 tips for dealing with your extended families and your childcare decisions.

1. Do Your Homework
Research your childcare options thoroughly.  Before you choose one, visit the childcare center, home daycare, or nanny at different times of day.  Talk to other parents who have used or currently use that childcare provider.  Read up on state licensing violations.  Once you have all of this information, select the provider you and your partner are most comfortable with.

2. Trust Yourself
You’ve done the research, you’ve transitioned into sending your child to the childcare provider, and things are going smoothly.  But unsupportive comments are making you question yourself.  You go to a family party, and someone asks, “In daycare at such a young age?” or you are at a wedding, and a relative says, “your baby is going to think the nanny her mommy.”  At these moments, you may question your decision, but don’t.  You’ve done the research and know your child.  Trust that you’ve made the best decision for your little family unit.

3. Educate the Family
Some of the extended family’s comments come from a simple lack of knowledge about paid childcare.  Many in Indian American Dad’s and my families asked about the setup of the daycare center and the classrooms.  We showed them pictures of the childcare center itself and talked about the typical daily schedules and activities.  If you have a nanny, you could introduce him or her to the extended family.  Some childcare providers will send photos of your child to you throughout the day.  Send these on to your extended family so they can see what little pookie is up to all day.  Just helping family understand what goes on in paid childcare can help alleviate their concerns.

4. Share Successes
Share how your child has benefited from his or her childcare setting.  For example, Indian American Toddler is extremely outgoing and dexterous.  This is partly because he has been going to a group daycare center where he interacts with lots of people every day.  He also has learned skills such as eating with a spoon, painting, and gluing.  Show the family projects that your child has made or point out things that he or she has learned from the childcare center. Our families have been impressed by what Indian American Toddler has learned in daycare.

5. Choose Confidantes Wisely
Working parenthood and paid childcare have significant challenges.  It’s healthy to discuss these to work through them and to relieve ourselves of their emotional burdens.  But if you vent to an unsupportive family member, his or her anti-paid childcare stance might just make you feel worse.  For me, it is helpful to vent to my friends who also use paid childcare and have some tips and tricks.  There are also online messageboards, listservs, and blogs where you can ask for advice and commiserate with other parents struggling with the same issues.

6. Selective Listening
With big families, it’s useful to develop a selective ear and just tune out some things.  People are going to make insensitive comments that will ruffle your mom-feathers.  While at times it is worth correcting people or simply defending your choices, at other times it is better to just let things go.  Not everyone will approve of your parenting decisions, and for the sake of your own happiness, you just have to accept that.

Do you have any tips for dealing with family pressure about childcare?

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Waffle fail.

Well, actually,  the story starts back in my childhood, when my mother was fond of saying, “We don’t need to buy _____, we can make it at home with what we already have.”

Ah, the frugal Desi mom (perhaps you have one?).  Though she bought my brother and me all of the necessities (and even splurged on us frequently), she always wanted us to be resourceful.

So figuring out how to accomplish what I want with what I already have has become second nature. *Subtly shoves aside pile of impulse purchases with foot*

I recently purchased the Cuisinart Griddler to add some variety into our dinners.  I love grilling veggies, tofu, paneer, fruit, and basically anything I can get onto the grill (see above).  Indian American Dad loves waffles so asked me to get the waffle plates.  At $40, the waffle plates, sold separately, were 1/2 the cost of the Griddler itself.

Sooooo, I decided to use what I had and make waffles right on the grill portion.  Sure the waffles would be shaped funny, but they’d taste the same.  Right?

When I poured the waffle batter onto the grill, it spread out alarmingly fast.  It ran toward the back of the grill onto a hole in the back and here’s what came of that:

Waffle batter spilling out of the back, onto the counter and on the electrical cord.  In case you are wondering, the green blob is the previous night’s palak paneer.

As a blogger, I love to check out other bloggers’ work, ooh and aah at their amazing photos and clever recipes, and generally experience blog envy. At times, it feels like like everyone else has it together.

Facebook friends are off climbing Mt. Kilamanjaro or getting their dream jobs or posting photos of their gorgeous homes/apartments or looking enamoured with their well-behaved husband kids.  Meanwhile, you’re trying to get your act together to make a road trip 2 hours away, your dream career is years away, you live in a tiny apartment, or can’t stop bickering with your spouse. 

On blogs and Pinterest, superwomen serve gourmet breakfasts on designer plates, color code their kids’ toys, and have organized closets.  Oh, and in their free time they take breathtaking photos of exotic locales. 

Even the most self-assured women have to admit, social media can make you feel like crap.  Forbes Woman thinks so too.

So while Pinterest is fun to peruse, and even the best of us has stalked/envied friends’ lives on Facebook, I think it’s important to give ourselves a reality check at times. Fails are all around us (albeit rarely pinned on Pinterest or featured in a Facebook feed). Remember, “Yes” lives in the land of “no.”   So fails are a part of life, and I Am Moms will celebrate them!

What are your recent fails?  Do you have pictures?  I’d love to see some reader epic kitchen fails.   I’ll put them up on the Facebook page.  You can e-mail them to me at iammomsblog@gmail.com.

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You want to contact a star in your field to pitch a collaboration, but you’re afraid your dreams are ridiculous.

You want to propose a new way of doing things to your supervisor, but you’re afraid she will dismiss you.

You want to submit your written work for publication, but you just can’t take another rejection.

You want to try a new sport, but you are afraid you won’t be good enough.

You want to make a new mom friend, but you don’t give her your number because you’re afraid she’s not interested.

You want to tell your parents how you honestly feel.  But you’re afraid they won’t understand.

All of us face rejection throughout our lives.  The easiest way to save ourselves heartache is to avoid risking failure at all, and just play it safe.

Stick to what we’re good at, and hope that the dreams tugging away at our souls will just leave us alone.  That we can continue with the status quo–it’s good enough, isn’t it?

My friend, success coach and award-winning speaker, Alec Borenstein says NO WAY.

Find out why from his talk, “Yes Lives in the Land of No”:

In case you can’t watch the video, here’s what you need to know:

• Love “no” because without it, there is no “yes.”  
• By seeking out the “no,” you are closer to finding “yes.”  Every time you are rejected, you’re that much closer to an opportunity where someone will say yes.
• Don’t take a “no” personally.  It doesn’t reflect on you as a person — it’s just information.

When I was a teenager, and was into very cool gear like the No Fear brand (remember those?).  I had a No Fear shirt that said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”  And that’s exactly it.  

If we live in constant fear of “no,” we’ll never seek out the opportunities where we would have found a “yes.”

Thanks to Alec for this inspiring clip.  You can check out his website here for future speaking events.

What opportunities would you pursue if you weren’t afraid of no?  Share in the comments.

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