Good Parents Are Brave Parents: The Girl Wrestler from Haryana

Posted on June 29, 2012 by Indian American Mom

With excitement for the Summer Olympics heating up, I’ve been fascinated by some of the stories about the athletes at the games. And I’ve learned a parenting lesson.

Good Parents Must Be Brave

This story about Geeta Phogat, India’s first woman wrestler, taught me that good parents are brave. And bravery can come with loneliness.

Geeta is from a small village in Haryana, and she grew up wrestling boys.

I grew up in a thriving metropolis in the US, and I know my Indian American parents wouldn’t have been ok with me wrestling boys (even if I’d had the athletic talent–though I must admit that they supported me through bench warming seasons of girls’ volleyball, basketball, and soccer)!

In the marriage-obsessed and community-oriented Indian culture, and in a small village, I can only imagine the struggles Geeta’s family went through in taking this unconventional path.

But Geeta’s father, a wrestler, knew that wrestling boys was the only way for Geeta to train because no other village girls were allowed to wrestle. Geeta’s mother freed her of household chores so she could focus on wrestling training. Geeta’s father made his daughters wear boyish clothes and cut their hair short.

People thought he was crazy.

Geeta’s father was risking Geeta’s and her sisters’ economic future by making them, essentially, unmarriageable. In Geeta’s village, very few women go to college or have jobs, so I assume that most rely on their husband’s families for financial support.

It’s very easy for us to look at Geeta now and praise her parents’ choices.

Wrestler Geeta Phogat lifts a weight as she exercises during a practice session inside the Netaji Subhas National Institute of Sports in Patiala in Punjab May 5, 2012. REUTERS-Ajay Verma

Now that Geeta has made it to the Olympic stage, India is proud. Where were they when she started her training as a child? Source: http://in.reuters.com/article/2012/05/21/geeta-phogat-wrestler-haryana-olympics-idINDEE84K06620120521

In a country that has very little representation in the Olympics, many in India are rallying around Geeta. In fact, her home state of Haryana gave her a car, even though during her early training it refused to help pay for a proper wrestling mat or offer the family any support.

But during the hard years of training, Geeta’s family had no guarantees of success.

Geeta trained in a cow pen with no shade from the brutal Indian heat and no temperature-control for the mud floor that got cold at night.

Through all of this, Geeta’s parents had to trust their parenting instincts.

They were willing to be brave and alone.

When it comes to parenting, there are no guarantees.

We may wear our backs out with babywearing, reasoning that attachment parenting helps children to build better relationships as adults. We may wear out our car tires driving our kids from lesson to lesson, hoping that these will get them into the best colleges. But our child could still grow up to have emotional and relationship problems, or decide “college isn’t for me.”

We have to admit, that despite all of our choices, there the unknown looms large in our parenting decisions, because we don’t know what the outcomes of our choices will be.

So it takes both courage and faith to make unpopular parenting choices that we know in our gut are correct.

Another Story of Bravery in Parenting

Another parenting courage story is closer to home for me. My aunt, who married into a large joint family that all lived together, decided to enroll her kids in English language schools. Everyone else in the family opposed her because no one in the family spoke English well enough to tutor the kids–and extra tutoring outside of school is crucial for academic success in India. Still, my aunt put my cousins in English language schools, and that has allowed them to enjoy professional opportunities in the U.S. and Canada.

Again, in hindsight, she did the right thing. But at the time, it took a lot of courage for her to go against the entire family in a patriarchal culture to make the parenting decision that she did.

Our Turn
I’d love to hear your tales of parenting bravery. For me, it has been placing Indian American Toddler in daycare so that I can work full-time.

I cannot tell you how much resistance I’ve faced from my and Indian American Dad’s families.

Sometimes the comments are “innocent,” like “How many hours a day does he go to daycare? Nine? Wow, at such a young age?”

Sometimes they are more pointed. Numerous relatives have offered for us to send Indian American Toddler to stay with them for extended periods so he does not have to stay in daycare. I’ve been very clear from the beginning. There. Is. No. Way. I understand that many other families have had to make this decision, but it is not an option for me.

Then there are the inquiries about how much daycare costs. And comments about how other moms went to part-time or stopped working while their children were young. Comments that imply I should think about that too.

The decision to trust a daycare with your child is a difficult one. Returning to work as a new mom is hard. You already have the fear and the guilt in leaving your child while you go to work. So to hear these kinds of comments from family can be very painful.

But I’ve made a network of mom friends who have their kids in daycare or paid childcare, and we confide in each other about the struggles.

Surprisingly, the most helpful advice on the subject came from my own mom. She said to stop seeking others’ approval for my parenting choices.

And brave parents do just that.

Please share your stories of parenting bravery in the comments.

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“Complainers Are American Heroes”

Posted on June 24, 2012 by Indian American Mom

Complainers are just whiners.

We should make the best of every situation.

Believe that the glass is half full.

There is no point in complaining.

These are all things that many of us believe.

But they’re not true when it comes to complaining.

“COMPLAINERS ARE AMERICAN HEROES”

A wise judge uttered this phrase to me, and I couldn’t agree more. Here are three tales to convince you that complainers are American heroes.

The Sikh Doctor with the Perfect Case

The wise judge told the story of a Sikh doctor who received a voicemail from a potential employer that the employer, a hospital, wanted to hire him but that his turban would make patients uncomfortable, so the hospital would not be hiring him.

The wise judge and others urged the Sikh doctor to complain, but he refused. The Sikh doctor responded that he did not want to make things worse for other Sikhs and that he could find another job, so he did not want to complain to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or file a lawsuit.

The wise judge proclaimed that this was EXACTLY the kind of case that every civil rights lawyer dreams of. There was hard evidence of discrimination in a voicemail that could be played to a jury. Such concrete evidence is rare in an employment discrimination case.

Complaining to the right parties, including the EEOC, could have meant policy changes that would end (or at least reduce) discrimination against Sikh men who wore turbans.

But as Asian Americans, we are reluctant to complain. Be it because of language issues, cultural beliefs, or just a lack of access to power structures to complain to, we just don’t want to. Women are even more hesitant–most of us South Asian women were taught to let things go, accommodate others, and generally not rock the boat.

But complainers are American heroes.

The Political Process

At the Asian American Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander Diabetes Coalition Conference, Congressman Mike Honda urged attendees to complain to our congresspersons about issues facing Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders. He said we had to ask the hard questions of our legislators and demand face to face meetings for answers. This type of political action is essential in getting federal attention for issues facing our communities.

In this way, complainers can help change their communities for the better by tapping into political channels to create change.

Rep. Mike Honda (D-CA) taught us the right way to complain to legislators about issues facing our communities.

At the White House Initiative on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders conference for Federal Employees, Amardeep Singh, Co-Founder of the Sikh Coalition told us that despite bullies victimizing large numbers of Sikh children in American public schools, the Department of Education reported only a small number of complaints on the issue.

Because they hadn’t heard complaints, the Department of Education did not think bullying was an issue in the Sikh community.

Perhaps as a reaction to our refusal to complain, the Sikh Coalition created FlyRights, smartphone app that allows travelers to quickly and easily complain to the TSA about discrimination. If you haven’t yet, you should download it here.

Want to complain the right way? There’s an app for that.

When we formally complain, political and other leaders can no longer hide behind the excuse that they didn’t know there was a problem. That is the first step to finding a solution.

A Mom’s Tale

These lessons about complaining did not fall on deaf ears. I decided that I was going to be an American hero too.

If something was wrong, I’d complain. The right way — calmly, firmly, and offering a constructive solution.

Indian American Toddler goes to a daycare that provides meals to the children, but only provided vegetarian lunches 5 times out of the month. This meant that Indian American Dad and I had to supplement with home-packed lunches most days of the month. This took us extra time and wasn’t fair given how much we pay for daycare (it’s a lot). Plus, when we took the daycare tour, we’d been assured by staff that they had had many vegetarian children, and their food needs were accommodated.

I wrote to the director stating that we wanted the daycare to provide vegetarian lunches, that we paid as much as everyone else and deserved to have our child’s needs accommodated, and that I was willing to work with the daycare to suggest appropriate vegetarian options.

I didn’t know what to expect. The daycare staff seemed reluctant, saying that they did not know if they could accommodate the request, because the children’s menus were fixed. After some back and forth….

SUCCESS!

The daycare will be providing all of the center children the option of vegetarian meals EVERY DAY! Not only that, but the vegetarian option will be similar to the non-vegetarian option (e.g. if the other kids are eating pasta with sausage, Indian American Toddler will get pasta with soy sausage or tomato sauce). Now I’m not the biggest fan of fake meats (actually many of them make me sick and we try to stay away from too many processed foods), but I’ll take it!

If I hadn’t complained, neither Indian American Toddler nor the other children at the center would have had appropriate vegetarian options.

Are You An American Hero?

Your turn. Tell me a story about a time you complained. What happened? Do you think complainers are American heroes? Why or why not?

www.iammoms.com

Kal Penn, Obama for America, and Me

Posted on June 20, 2012 by Indian American Mom

Often people ask me if I miss living in my hometown of LA. Why would I, when I can celebrity-watch right here in the DC area?

That’s right folks, yours truly was within paper airplane-throwing distance of everyone’s favorite Desi stoner, Kal Penn.

Kal Penn is a huge Obama supporter and headlined an event in Arlington for young voters.

He urged Obama supporters to:

knock on doors;
tell our friends;
register voters;
volunteer for phone banks;
and generally spread the word about why we support President Obama.

You can find talking points here.

Here’s what happened at Kal Penn’s Obama for America event:

Aneesh Chopra, former Chief Technology Officer of the White House introduced Kal Penn to the crowd.

Kal Penn told us about his time in the White House. Very early in his presidency, President Obama told him that signing the Executive Order reactivating the White House Initiative on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders was the right thing to do.

Kal Penn also talked about President Obama’s plan and actions to ensure that college is affordable for all.

I loved seeing many Asian American and South Asian American faces in the crowd, especially because we are underrepresented in politics.

More audience members. On the far left in the white tank top and pink skirt is a volunteer from the Arlington Obama for America office. I highly encourage everyone to volunteer at least once for the campaign. Just call your local OFA office.

Want to read more about the event? Here is an article about it.

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Women’s Health Townhall at the White House

Posted on June 18, 2012 by Indian American Mom

I’m nervous about the anticipated Supreme Court decision on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act.

At the recent Women’s Health Townhall at the White House, I learned that the Affordable Care Act has so much to offer women (and our country as a whole) that I hope it is upheld. Still, from reports I read about oral argument, it seemed that the justices were leaning toward finding the law unconstitutional.

That is unfortunate. Women have much to gain from the Affordable Care Act. (If you want to hear how the Act affects minorities, read my posts here, here, and here).

Tina Tchen, the Chief of Staff for Michelle Obama and the Executive Director of the White House Council on Women and Girls welcomes the audience. I was excited to see an Asian American woman represented in the Obama White House.

Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, Kathleen Sebelius, speaks to an audience of women.

The audience was almost all women. I was disappointed. Don’t men care about women’s health?

Here’s what really hit me about the Affordable Care Act and women:

Under the Affordable Care Act, only 20% of health insurance premiums could go to administrative costs and profits, while 80% would have to go to patient care. Health insurers who violate the 80/20 rule would have to refund a portion of the premium.
Currently, insurance companies can reject women for pre-existing conditions, including being victims of domestic violence. Beginning in 2014, this will be illegal.
Currently, insurance companies can charge women up to 50% more for health insurance coverage, at a cost of over $1 billion, annually. Beginning in 2014, this will be illegal.
The Affordable Care Act will make a number of preventive services will be available without copays. These include well woman visits; gestational diabetes screening; HPV DNA testing; STD counseling; HIV screening and counseling; breastfeeding support, supplies, and counseling; and domestic violence counseling.
States will set up health insurance exchanges for those with preexisting conditions to purchase insurance at competitive prices. Coverage will vary from state to state, but the federal law will provide a floor for coverage. Exchanges will also provide an alternative to expensive COBRA coverage for those who have lost a job.
Medicaid coverage will be expanded to cover people who are at 133% of the poverty line.
Community health centers will be expanded under the Affordable Care Act.
People who are now covered by health insurance are paying $1000 more (per year?) to compensate for others who do not have health insurance. The Affordable Care Act will alleviate this burden by ensuring that everyone is covered.

I was also pleased to learn that the Affordable Care Act will facilitate race, ethnicity, and primary language-based health data. The AAPI Diabetes conference showed me how crucial this type of data is in preventing, diagnosing, and treating disease.

Check out these photos for more from the Women’s Health Townhall:

Here’s me, Indian American Mom, in the White House Press Briefing Room (bloggers and journalists got to hang out here before the Townhall).

Bloggers and journalists got prime seats in the front of the room. If you’re thinking about starting a blog, I highly encourage it. You may get opportunities like this one.

The panel prepares to speak. Notice the smartphone love.

Real people spoke about the impact of the ACA on their lives. The woman at the podium, a college student, was able to stay on her parents’ insurance. The baby pictured got excellent care for multiple serious health conditions, and his mother did not have to worry about lifetime limits on health insurance benefits thanks to the ACA.

A senior citizen describes how the Affordable Care Act closes the Medicare “doughnut hole,” allowing her to contribute more money toward he grandchild’s education.

Valerie Jarrett spoke at the event, then sat right in my row. We must have a connection. Check out our last meeting.

What do you think about the Affordable Care Act? What do you think are the biggest health challenges facing South Asian women today? Please share in the comments.

www.iammoms.com

9 Ways Moms Can Make Workouts Happen

Posted on June 4, 2012 by Indian American Mom

Exhausted all the time?

Know that you should be living a healthier lifestyle but can’t find the time or the energy?

Enjoy working out but can’t figure out the childcare?

Want some “me” time instead of another obligation to fulfill?

We’ve all gone through one or more of these frustrations when considering how to fit in exercise into our weekly routines.

You’ve heard me talk time and time again about how I’ve been wanting to fit in exercise into my routine, and I’ve finally been able to crack the code.

Today I’m sharing 9 strategies that busy moms can use to integrate exercise into their routines:

1. Invest in It
It’s silly, but the real catalyst for my change in routine was buying 3 new workout outfits that I could only wear while working out. They’re the spandex/polyester moisture-wicking kind, and unlike my cotton yoga pants (which have seen very little yoga-doing and a whole lot of sedentary activity), I probably can’t wear them anywhere but the gym. Knowing that I’d invested that money in working out gave me the extra push to make sure I got in enough workouts to get them all into the laundry pile.

Otherwise, I’d have to admit to Indian American Dad that my buying was just retail therapy, and I did not want to do that.

None of the pieces was over $20 (Sources: Marshall’s/TJ Maxx, Target’s C9 line, Nordstrom Rack, and Costco for excellent moisture-wicking yoga pants that are supposed to be a dead-ringer for the pricey Lululemmon version), so this process didn’t break the bank but it was enough to motivate me.

Investing in your workouts might also include purchasing a gym membership, proper workout shoes, or paying for a personal training session. A cheaper option would be to make a bet with your friend or spouse that you will work out x number of times per month.

2. Be Realistic
In the past, I’d talked endlessly about waking up at 5am every day to work out. I even asked Indian American Dad if he would agree to wake me up (he declined). I’m a nightowl, staying up late to do blog posts or other to-dos that I couldn’t get to during the day. So by saying I’d wake up every day at 5am to work out, I was setting myself up for failure.

What did work was to set a more realistic goal of 2 early morning workouts per week. I supported that goal by going to sleep at Indian American Toddler’s bedtime (8pm-ish) on the nights before my planned early morning workouts, which allowed me to be well-rested by early morning so I could head out for a workout.

3. Schedule & Prioritize
It’s a cliche, I know, but you really have to plan workouts in your schedule. Many of our weekly to do lists include non-negotiables such as doing laundry and dishes, getting groceries, buying supplies for little pookie’s science project, returning phone calls, etc. How many of those to do lists include working out? If working out is on there, does it get pushed right to the bottom when something else “important” pops up?

To make exercise a part of our weekly routines, it HAS to be a non-negotiable priority. It might mean that the dirty dishes stay in the sink overnight *gasp* or that you don’t sign up to bring anything for the bake sale at your kids’ school.

So be it!

If you want to be a good mom, you have to stay healthy and energetic, and regular exercise is a big part of that. This mental trick has really worked for me.

4. Visualize & Identify
I’m a big believer in the power of visualization. See yourself as a woman who works out regularly. Visualize yourself going to the gym, walking, or running regularly. Make healthy living a part of your identity, instead of just another thing on the to-do list.

Again, the clothes came in handy for me here. By wearing specific workout gear that looks very fitness-y, I feel like a person who makes fitness a priority. This in turn pushes me to work out more regularly. I always find it easier to eat healthfully when I work out regularly, because it helps me see food as fuel, and it’s easier to turn away treats that are the equivalent of the entire caloric burn of my workout.

In this way, healthy living is more than just a crash diet or cramming in a bunch of running before your high school reunion — it’s a way of life.

5. Make a Workout Plan
If a workout is just another workout, without a larger context, it’s easy to skip. After all, there’s always tomorrow, isn’t there?

But if you have a workout plan, such as the Couch to 5K program (a 9-week program that takes you from running no more than 1 minute at a time to running 30 minutes straight) you’ll be less likely to skip a workout. It helps if you tie this plan to a group that can keep you accountable.

I’ve just agreed with a couple of friends that we’ll post on each other’s Facebook as we complete the Couch to 5k workouts. If you want to join, post to the I Am Moms Facebook Page. Let’s keep each other accountable!

6. Something is Always Better than Nothing.
But, don’t let a hitch in the workout plan undo your routine entirely. In the past, I’ve decided not to work out even when I had the time, reasoning that I could never have time for a weekly routine, so what was the point?

Now I try to think it’s better to do something rather than nothing. In my last post, you might have read that AAPIs benefit from even small amounts of weight loss by decreasing the risk of diabetes. Why not make those small changes that may lead to a big change later on.

Even if it is just 10 jumping jacks and 5 crunches, or walking over to the playground with the kids, every little bit of activity will help you get into the habit of working out regularly.

7. Just Do It
There will always be another dish to wash, or another toy to put away, or (let’s not lie), another TV show gluing you to the couch. If you can just get out the door and start, you’ve probably done the hardest part of your workout. Even if you tell yourself you’ll just do 10 minutes, once you get going, you will probably not want to stop. If you really must watch that awful reality TV show, do an at-home workout while you watch it!

8. Childcare
Maybe this should have been number 1 on the list. I know it’s been a significant challenge for me. Unlike our BC (before child) days, we are now beholden to sweet little ones who need our constant attention. Working out now requires us to have a few tricks up our sleeves.

Early morning workouts – This is why the early morning workouts are excellent, when I can make them happen. Indian American Toddler and Indian American Dad snooze while Indian American Mom gets in a nice workout. Best of all, our evening routines are more or less intact.
Take the Kids - Take baby out in a jogging stroller (or even a regular stroller) and walk up hills in the neighborhood, go to the playground with the kids and play tag with them, or join a class that you can all participate in (martial arts?).
Take Turns – Take turns with your spouse, support person, or even a mom friend nearby. One watches the kids while the other one gets in a nice workout. The next day (or maybe once a week), you switch.
Bring Your Workout Home – Use workout DVDs and free weights; or even workouts that need no equipment such as crunches, pushups, lunges, jumping jacks, and the like to work up a sweat at home. I did a great pilates video at home this week (Pop Pilates – check it out on YouTube). Indian American Toddler did interrupt me a couple of times, but I just paused the video, played with him for a few moments, then kept right on going. I felt it the next day!

9. Focus on Short-Term Benefits
It can be easy to get discouraged when you don’t see results right away, but it helps to see exercise as its own reward.

Me Time – Exercise is a rare chance for moms to get some “me” time, especially if you can listen to some great songs on your iPod or watch a favorite TV show while on the treadmill.
Mood Benefits – Exercise is a free and healthy mood booster. For those who struggle with anxiety and depression, exercise is a nice complement to other treatment modalities. Even if you do not have these conditions, you have probably felt sad, anxious, or lonely from time to time. Get your heart rate up for 30 minutes and tell me you don’t feel better afterwards (I dare you!).
Stress Relief – Us moms are busy folks, and face lots of stress. Exercise is a much healthier way to cope than snapping at your spouse (guilty!), eating a donut (guilty!), or surfing Facebook for too long (guilty!).
Energy Boost - With everything hardworking moms do, the thing we need most is energy. Unfortunately, our sedentary lifestyles and bagel habit (I’ll admit it, I have one) zap energy faster than you can say “passed out on the couch.” Regular exercise has helped boost my energy level.
Health Benefits – By exercising regularly, you’ll be cutting your risk of developing diabetes, heart disease and other conditions and you’ll be boosting your immune system. Who among us doesn’t want to live long and healthy lives so that we can raise our kids to be happy and successful adults?

What are your strategies for fitting in exercise into your weekly routine? What are some things that derail you? Please share in the comments or at our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/iammomsblog.

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AAPI Diabetes Conference: A Call to Action

Posted on May 23, 2012 by Indian American Mom

What’s poorly funded, the leading cause of blindness, and costs the U.S. 1 out of every 5 healthcare dollars and 1 out of 3 Medicare dollars?

What disease occurs in higher rates in Asian Americans, Native Hawaiians, and Pacific Islander Americans than in the general American population?

Can you guess?

You have a hint right in the title…

Diabetes.

Not only do AAPIs have higher risks for developing Type 2 diabetes than the general population, but they also respond differently to diabetes and treatment.

I learned all this at a fascinating conference, the Asian American Native Hawaiian Pacific Islander Diabetes Coalition Conference, organized by that group, the National Council of Asian Pacific Islander Physicians, and the Joslin Diabetes Center last Friday.

You can find my live tweets from the conference on Twitter under the hashtag #AAPIDiabetes.

Here are 5 reasons why the Asian American Native Hawaiian Pacific Islander Diabetes Coalition Conference was such an eye-opener:

1. DATA IS SPARSE BUT CRUCIAL
This was the most shocking thing I learned.

The medical community lacks data on AAPI populations, even though data is crucial. The AAPI community has disproportionately high rates of diabetes.

Not only that, but our diagnostic considerations and complications are different than Caucasian patients.

Currently the CDC is doing a study of the AAPI population, but that data won’t be out for another two years.

There is practically no data on Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander populations, even though they have asked to be studied for years. It may be even more important for them because 8 of the worlds top 10 obese nations are the Pacific Islands nations. As you may know, obesity is linked to Type 2 diabetes.

2. DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT OF DIABETES IN AAPIS ARE DIFFERENT THAN CAUCASIANS

Here’s why data is crucial: AAPI patients are different than Caucasian diabetes patients.

We Look Different

AAPIs don’t look like “typical” (read: Caucasian) diabetes patients. We’re smaller in size, so some healthcare providers may not think to check for diabetes because we don’t always have the high body mass indexes (BMI) of Caucasian diabetes patients.
Type 2 diabetes often doesn’t have visible symptoms in the early stages, so detection is challenging, especially if people rely on risk factors that don’t apply to our populations.

We’re More Sensitive to Weight Changes

We’re more sensitive to changes in weight. Higher BMIs are associated with diabetes, in general, but even with smaller increases in BMI (that would not be significant for Caucasians), AAPIs have a higher risk for developing diabetes.

We Have Higher Proportions of Dangerous Body Fat

Even at the same BMI as a Caucasian person, an Asian American generally has a higher body fat percentage.
AAPIs have more visceral fat, which is the fat that surrounds abdominal organs and that is linked with higher rates of diabetes.

We React Differently to Gestational Diabetes

Among Asian American gestational (pregnancy) diabetes patients, particularly Chinese Americans, the babies don’t have the higher birth weights that are typically a result of gestational diabetes. It is unclear why that is true.

We Have Different Rates of Complications

Even though AAPIs experience higher rates of diabetes, they have fewer complications than Caucasian diabetes patients.

Why do we differ in these ways? Healthcare professionals and researchers need more data to understand.

3. DIVERSITY ISSUES AFFECT HEALTHCARE TOO

I was shocked and disappointed that there isn’t more data on AAPI diabetes patients, especially because it seems that every third Asian American (particularly South Asian American) has done research at some time or another in his or her quest to get a health sciences degree.

Why don’t we study our own populations?

One presenter argued that we shouldn’t consider Caucasian diabetes patients the baseline.

What if Caucasians are the outliers and somehow more susceptible to complications from diabetes, for example?

What if AAPIs have better biological coping mechanisms for this disease?

A Caucasian-focused view could cause researchers to overlook this possibility.

Additionally, because AAPI diabetes patients look different than Caucasian patients and because they have different complications, all healthcare practitioners should be aware of these issues to provide the best possible treatment to AAPI patients.

4. HEALTH IS POLITICAL

Do your eyes glaze over when someone starts talking politics?

Do you prefer to remain neutral?

You shouldn’t. Your political activity may be the difference between life and death — or at least health and sickness in our communities.

We all need to be talking to our elected officials to support further research on diabetes in the AAPI community.

Representative Mike Honda, a Democrat from California, spoke at the event, emphasizing that Asian Americans, Native Hawaiians, and Pacific Islander Americans need to pressure their elected officials to support AAPI health initiatives. He encouraged health experts in the room should be working with elected officials to create policy.

5. AAPIs NEED TO STICK TOGETHER, BUT WE NEED TO BE SEPARATED

The AAPI community needs to band together for collective action. This conference was a success because many Asian American and Pacific Islander groups came together to present information on a poorly-studied community.

But from a clinical perspective, and in many other ways, the AAPI community is a diverse group.

We come from 30 countries and speak over 100 different languages.

We have vastly different rates of diabetes, and South Asians lead this group.

One presenter at the conference made the point that data from one Asian American group (e.g. Chinese Americans) cannot be extrapolated to other groups. Therefore, we need to advocate for more research and funding for all of the different AAPI groups.

THE CALL TO ACTION

The Asian American Native Hawaiian Pacific Islander Diabetes Coalition Conference was inspiring in that it did not just educate the attendees but also inspired them to act in their communities.

Here’s what YOU can do about AAPI Diabetes:

1. Manage Risk FactorsWe can do lots of things to reduce our risk of developing diabetes:

Manage Your Weight

Small changes in weight can significantly decrease your risk of developing diabetes.
I know it is discouraging to try to lose weight when you have a lot to lose. But even by losing part of that weight, you will gain the benefit of cutting your diabetes risk.
This works the other way too–those 5 or 10 pounds that creep on over the years could hurt you more than people from non-AAPI backgrounds.
Here are some healthy recipes to get you started.

Mind Your Waistline

In AAPIs, BMI is a poor measure of body fat (which is associated with diabetes risk).
Instead, you should measure your abdominal circumference (a tape measure around the belly, folks) to assess diabetes risk.
People who tend to carry weight in their bellies (like me) are at greater risk of developing diabetes. We can’t spot reduce, but reducing overall weight is a good way to shrink our waists and lower diabetes risks.

Get Enough Sleep

Diabetes and sleep deficits are strongly correlated, and if you are the parent of young children I can bet you are sleep deprived!
It’s not clear whether lack of sleep causes diabetes, but it can’t hurt to get some shut eye instead of putting away that last load of laundry.

2. Take Action in Your Community

Speak Out In Your Communities and Families

Public health programs that empower members of the community to teach others about diabetes prevention and management have been successful in many AAPI groups.
In my family and many South Asian families, we typically bond by gathering around the dining table to snack and feast (often on sweets and unhealthy goodies) Instead, what if we bonded by going for a walk outside?
Instead of bringing something sugary for dessert to a temple, church, or mosque event, why not try bringing fruit or a healthy salad?

Write or Call Your Elected Officials

Call or write your elected officials to support diabetes research and education efforts. The American Diabetes Association has a helpful website that shows exactly how you can take action.
Representative Mike Honda (D-CA) urged us all to inform elected officials of the pressing health needs in our community and to insist on accountability.

3. Support Research

Many presenters said that AAPIs don’t participate in studies and clinical trials as often as they would like. Greater participation could lead to better treatment options for AAPIs.
Consider participating in studies or clinical trials, taking into account the risks and benefits.

Your Turn:
Have you had experiences with diabetes? What are your tips for managing it? How do you minimize risk factors for diabetes in your family?

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How to Choose a Therapist

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Indian American Mom

Asian Americans and Mental Health: Stigma Is an Understatement!

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ve read over and over again about the importance of recognizing and treating mental illness. In preparation for my White House visit, I spoke with one doctor who called mental illness the “elephant in the room,” and one of the biggest cost drivers for many other South Asian health issues.

It’s not just South Asians, either. Mental health treatment is an important issue for Asian Americans as a whole. At an Asian American Heritage Month celebration I recently attended, Daphne Kwok, Executive Director of Asians and Pacific Islanders with Disabilities of California, emphasized the burden of untreated mental illness on our communities. She said that many Asian American families do not want to acknowledge disability and don’t seek available resources because of the stigma. Here is more info on AAPIs and mental illness.

So What Is Mental Illness, And How Do I Seek Treatment?

Mental illness can include things like depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, post-traumatic stress disorder, suicidal thoughts, and other conditions. The good news is, these conditions are TREATABLE!

You don’t have to live with it or just be strong. It isn’t all in your head. Just like a broken arm, mental illness is a real illness that needs to be treated. And with treatment, you can be a healthier person and a better parent. In the South Asian community, there is an all or nothing perception about mental illness. Either you are completely mentally healthy (without treatment or only treated in the form of “mental strength” or positive thinking) and a functioning member of society, or you are “crazy” and will never be functional–broken in some irreparable way. In this paradigm, there is no middle ground. The truth is, you can have a mental illness, obtain treatment in the form of medication, therapy, hospitalization (in some cases) and/or lifestyle changes, AND live a happy and functional life. Here is a list of successful people who have battled mental illness.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness and would like to seek treatment, CONGRATULATIONS! Just getting to this point is a huge accomplishment.

Mental health treatment may include a combination of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes.

Reader and Mental Health Advocate Seema Nanda Demystifies the Process of Finding a Therapist:

I Am Moms reader Seema Nanda is powerful advocate for South Asian mental health issues. She’s written this helpful resource to teach readers how to choose a therapist.

How do I choose a therapist?

The first thing you should do is research. If you’re looking for someone to talk to about the death of a parent, for example, you want someone who specializes in grief.

In addition, you can also look into different kinds of therapy. For example, some practice cognitive behavior therapy. There are many kinds, so it is a good idea to start out armed with some basic information.

Another way in which therapists differ is in their education. Some are social workers and some are psychologists. These days, there are people called life coaches, and they also do counseling. Their training and education differs from both social workers and psychologists.

Therapy is expensive. So, another thing important issue is insurance coverage. If you’re a student, it is often covered by the insurance you receive through your college or university. If not, a call to your insurance company will answer all your questions. Often the coverage for mental health is a different percentage than the other medical coverage. Make sure to ask about the deductible, if there is one for mental health coverage.

If you are uninsured, do some research on the Internet. There are inexpensive options available through your local county. On occasion, individual therapists will charge on a sliding scale according to what you can afford, so be sure to ask and find out from the individual practitioner.

The best way to choose a therapist is to make an appointment for a session. Take an hour out of your day and sit and speak with him or her in person. Feel free to ask any questions you have. It is okay to be nervous or scared. You might also ask about what kinds of methods he or she prefers. This is the only way to get a good sense of whether or not you like the person.

If you feel comfortable, you can ask your friends or relatives if they know a good therapist. Many people go to psychologists or social workers for counseling. If one of your friends or relatives can refer you to one, sometimes this is a very good way to find someone who is adept at their job. Remember, though, just because your friend likes a certain person, you might not like them as much.

How is talking to a therapist different from talking to a parent or a trusted friend?

Therapy is different from talking to a friend or a parent in a few different ways.

One way is that a therapist will not discuss anything you say with others unless you have expressed intentions to harm yourself or someone else. This means that you can feel totally comfortable to tell them anything. It can be intimidating and uncomfortable, but if you have a good one to speak to, it can feel safe and cozy.

This brings us to another aspect of therapy. Trusting the therapist is a really important part of the therapeutic process. Of course, we generally trust our parents and friends. However, when you are speaking to a therapist, you can rely on the fact that they are there to help you with your personal issues.

When you speak to a friend or a parent, it is somewhat different from talking to a therapist because each person in your life has a personal history with you. Sometimes this personal history can color the conversations you have with them.

When you speak to a therapist, however, his or her own personal feelings and own personal past stay on the outside of the office. This is not a hard and fast rule. Some follow this rule very strictly and some do share small pieces of information with you.

You can read Seema’s other work at South Asian Parent online magazine here, where she shared her battle with anorexia . You can also read her advice column, “Dear Seema Aunty” at Brown Girl Magazine here

Seema Nanda is a graduate of Mount Holyoke College, where she studied philosophy and religion. Her interests include reading, films, collage, and the other arts. She enjoys writing for the Desi community in the United States, especially in the area of mental health advocacy. Seema lives and works in Texas, where she was born and raised.

Other Resources
For a South Asian-specific mental health resource, check out MySahana, a South Asian mental health nonprofit, which has a wealth of articles and other resources (including a limited list of South Asian mental health professionals organized by geographic region). They have a resource on how to find a therapist too.

If you need to talk to someone now, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to help with suicidal thoughts and emotional distress.

Do you have any more to add? What else do you think we can do to eliminate the stigma of mental health issues?

www.iammoms.com

Happy Mother’s Day! Thank You Mom, Kakis, Masis, Mamis, Bas, Nanis, Fais & Aunties!

Posted on May 13, 2012 by Indian American Mom

Happy Mothers Day to All of Our Mother Figures!

In Desi families, like many occasions, Mothers Day is a group event. In my family, we celebrated not only my mom, but my grandmothers, aunts, and other female relatives and friends. It was this rich female influence that helped nurture me into the person that I am today.

Of course, now that I’m a mom myself, I appreciate even more all of the love and hard work that goes into mothering. It’s been one of the most beautiful, rewarding experiences of my life, but also one of the most difficult.

Growing up, how many times did we hear, “You’ll understand when you’re a parent.”

Boy do I ever.

How you’re bursting with love for your little ones, and their two-toothed smiles can make a bad day a great one.

How easy it is to spout parenting philosophies like allowing early independence, and how hard it is to actually apply them when your toddler insists on eating by himself, getting spaghetti sauce all over the walls in the process.

How vulnerable you feel about any little thing that affects their lives, because you just want them to be safe and happy.

On this blog, a lot of times I call into question the ways of the older generation. My intent is to pull the best of what our cultures and the older generation have to offer while discarding the beliefs and practices that hold us back. That is one way that we can have it all.

Today, in honor of Mothers Day, I’ll share the positive things that we’ve received from our elders. Thank you to all my Facebook friends, Twitter followers, and readers who shared their ideas!

Giving Thanks for Everything
The older generation gave us so much. Here is a short list of the values they have taught us:

Teaching us to respect and cherish our elders;
Demonstrating the value of education, and supporting us while we pursued our educations;
Emphasizing the importance of family, not only in words but also in actions;
Sharing their languages with us so that we would be connected with people in other generations and countries;
Teaching us about our history and religions so that we would understand our heritage;
Celebrating colorful holidays with us and teaching us how to celebrate them with our families;
Showing us the value of hospitality, by hosting not only their friends and our relatives, but also our friends from school and work;
Being brave enough to leave an established life in their homeland for new opportunities abroad;
Providing an example of what it means to work hard and encouraging us to work hard
Mentoring us as new parents and giving us free babysitting once in awhile so that we can go on date nights;
Showing us that no matter how old we get, we’ll always be their babies )

I’m sure I’ve missed many things on this list. Can you help add to the list?

Do you have any special memories of your mother and mother figures?

Please share in the comments.

www.iammoms.com

Want to Be Polically Active But Don’t Know Where to Start?

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Indian American Mom

Are you fired up about the issues in this election but don’t know how to get involved?

Want to get involved but think you have to spend lots of time volunteering to make a difference?

Have you signed up for an e-mail list for your favorite candidate but just delete those e-mails, telling yourself it doesn’t matter if you attend campaign events?

I know I’m not the only one who can answer “yes” to all these questions.

From the Back Burner to the Front Burner
Early this year, I set a goal for myself to become more politically active (I’m in the right town, don’t you think?). But at that time, it was probably one of those, “I should do it, but there’s all this other stuff that needs doing, like cleaning out my closets, and finishing Indian American Toddler’s scrapbook, and blah blah blah.” But reading the depressing and infuriating news stories about legislation targeting women’s bodily rights just pushed the becoming politically active piece WAY up on my agenda. The war on women issue is a different post altogether, but let’s just say that I believe that we deserve to have control over our own bodies, and a whole bunch of people are trying to trample that basic human right.

So I knew I had to do something to make my voice heard. Interestingly, this year I learned that I wasn’t the only one whose voice needed to be heard. I learned that Asian Americans as a whole need to have their voices heard.

Asian Americans Need to Speak Up So Our Voice Is Heard
Interestingly, this year I’ve also had lots of opportunities to learn about what the Obama administration is doing for the Asian American community, and it’s also helped me understand how we can be more politically active.

Last month, I attended a White House Initiative on Asian Americans (WHIAAPI) conference, where I learned that Asian Americans underutilize federal services. So we pay taxes and are Americans just like everyone else, but we don’t use our fair share of the government services that we are entitled to. Part of the problem is that some federal programs aren’t culturally relevant for us. To address that problem, WHIAPPI encourages Asian American federal employees to work from within their agencies to make changes so that these agencies can better serve Asian Americans. For example, we learned how federal agencies can target cultural media. These include newspapers and magazines like India West, India Abroad, India Currents, and Saturday morning Indian programs on radio and TV — I know that there are probably others for the other South Asian media outlets (I’m just naming the Indian-based ones). Please chime in if you can refer us to some other ones.

As a bully victim myself, the cause of stopping bullying is close to my heart, and I learned that the solution can be political. Did you know that one study says 54% of Asian American students are bullied and 60% are cyberbullied every year? At the WHIAAPI conference, keynote speaker Amardeep Singh of the Sikh Coalition said that a large percentage of Sikh children are bullied at school, but the Department of Education told him that it had received only a couple dozen complaints.

Asian Americans just don’t tend to speak up when federal or local governments fail to address their needs.

To counteract this same issue, the Sikh Coalition recently launched FlyRights, a mobile app that provides a quick and easy way to complain about airport civil rights violations to the Transportation Security Administration and the Department of Homeland Security.

The National Minority Health Blogger Townhall taught me why Asian Americans need to speak up about health disparities. Our communities face many language and cultural issues that prevent us from obtaining appropriate healthcare. There is an Office of Minority Health which is working to ensure better access to healthcare for minority groups, but even at the White House event that it planned, there were very few Asian American voices. We need to stay at the table and be vocal about how programs should be tailored to meet our needs.

In short, this year I had learned several areas where Asian Americans needed to become more active in the federal government.

But I wanted to focus on a more immediate issue. How could I, Indian American Mom, help affect the outcome of this November’s election?

Ok, President Obama, I’ll Attend Your Event
With that background, I decided to finally accept one of the many Obama for America invitations that were piling up in my Inbox.

Here’s what I learned:

OFA Campaign offices look like a politics-obsessed teen’s room. There are newspaper pages, campaign posters, hand-drawn signs, graffiti art, and planning tools (like a chalkboard calendar) on the walls.

I’ll admit, in the past I’ve been intimidated about getting involved. What if everyone else knew more than I did? What if everyone else had already worked on 10 campaigns, and this was my first? I know that a lot of South Asian Americans face similar barriers that stop them from becoming politically involved.

My visit to the Virginia Women for Obama event showed me that I didn’t have to be worried about many of these things. The crowd was diverse and the volunteers were friendly. And they even gave me a pin. We fit right in!

At the Virginia Women for Obama Launch, there were people of all ages, professions, and ethnicities. There were women in wheelchairs, children, college students, and folks who looked like they’d come directly from work.

There was a calendar of events on the wall that showed how volunteers could get involved. It looks like working the phone banks is a great way to help out.

Diversity for Obama isn’t just a catchphrase. I really did see a diverse group of people rally around President Obama at this event.

I was surprised to see that the Obama for America office wish list includes items as simple as coffee filters, tea bags, and healthy food.

Obama advisor Valerie Jarrett spoke at the event. She outlined all of President Obama’s accomplishments in the past 4 years. She said we all need to pitch in by:

volunteering to work phone banks,
volunteering to stuff envelopes, and
tweeting about the Obama for America campaign.

All easy and non-scary ways to pitch in, don’t you think?

Afterwards, Valerie Jarrett mingled with Obama supporters. If you attend an event like this, I highly recommend you bring your camera. You may just get a photo opp.

Here’s me, Indian American Mom, following Valerie so I can tell her about I Am Moms and get a photo (I swear, in real life it didn’t look this creepy).

I told Valerie about I Am Moms, explaining that I’m working to get South Asian American moms to become more politically active. She said that blogging is a great way to get the word out about this.

What do you think? Not as scary as we thought, is it? And volunteering is as easy as signing up for a phone bank shift, helping out with a voter registration drive, or stuffing envelopes for an event.

So how can you get involved in the Obama for America campaign? Check out this link.

Have you attended a political event? Send the photos to iammomsblog@gmail.com, and they might be featured on our Facebook page.

www.iammoms.com

So What Did They SAY? I Am Moms At the White House – Part 3

Posted on May 2, 2012 by Indian American Mom

This is Part 3 in a series of posts on the National Minority Health Blogger Townhall. Here is Part 1 and here is Part 2.

By now, you just might be sick of Indian American Mom talking about the National Minority Health Blogger Townhall. BUT, on the off-chance that you are not, I’m giving you one last post on it. Here, I’ll get into greater detail about what the speakers said at the event. Unlike the guy who sat next to me, I didn’t have an audio recorder, so this post is based on my handwritten notes, and I did miss things here and there (i.e. don’t expect perfection here people).

I’m proud that I was able to ask a question that drew attention to the important issue of mental health in the South Asian community.

I Am Moms Initiative: Mental Health and Communities of Color
At the Townhall, I asked a question on the record about the HHS’s programs for culturally appropriate mental health treatment. I emphasized the stigma surrounding mental health that Asian Americans and/or South Asians face and said that we are underdiagnosed and undertreated. I asked what steps are being taken to offer culturally appropriate mental health services.

Dr. Nadine Gracia, Acting Deputy Assistant Secretary for Minority Health & Director of the Office of Minority Health, US Department of Health and Human Services, responded that:

the Affordable Care Act provides for mental health screening
there is a dedicated office for substance abuse and mental health issues (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration – SAMHSA)
SAMHSA requires grantees and pilot programs to articulate how they will address health disparities that minority groups face.

While this is a start, I hope that HHS does more to improve minority access to mental health services.

The Swag:

No, I didn’t get a tote bag or a nifty pen to commemorate the Townhall, but I did get a few pages as mementos.

Here’s a letter from President Obama honoring National Minority Health Month. These were given to the Townhall attendees.

A fact sheet distributed to attendees of the Townhall (they also gave us ones for African Americans and Latinos). Sorry about the carpet background.

Some of the Panelists’ Remarks:

Mayra Alvarez, Director of Public Health Policy, Office of Health Reform, US Department of Health & Human Services

This event acknowledges the disparities in healthcare minority groups face and celebrates the achievements of the Affordable Care Act in narrowing that gap.
An investment in healthcare is an investment in our economy.

Cecilia Munoz, Director of Domestic Policy Council, The White House

We want to avoid the practice of healthcare by emergency room treatment.
The Affordable Care Act helps treat conditions and prevent them, especially those that disproportionately affect minorities.

Dr. Regina Benjamin, Surgeon General, US Department of Health & Human Services

I’m a longtime advocate of prevention.
Better health leads to better school and work attendance and allows senior to be independent.
There are 4 causes for many diseases: 1) poor nutrition, 2) lack of exercise, 3) tobacco addiction, 4) alcohol addiction.
The cost of heart disease is $440 billion annually.
Clean air, healthy food and homes, and safe outdoor spaces are important in staying healthy.
We have a national prevention strategy led by a multicabinet member group. There are 4 pillars of prevention: 1) healthy and safe communities, 2) elimination of disparities, (and I missed the other two).
We are aware of cultural issues that affect health issues. For example, many black women don’t exercise because they don’t want to ruin their hair. We sponsored an exercise-friendly hair competition at the Bronner Brothers International Hair Show (here is a NY Times article about that).
The Surgeon General’s Journey to Joy puts the joy back into being healthy. Part of this is a Zumba-thon, where people dance Zumba, and I encourage people to turn on the radio and take the Surgeon General’s dance breaks.
The Surgeon General’s office also encourages breastfeeding. Less than 17% of women breastfeed at 6 months, though 90% start out breastfeeding. Part of this involves women returning to work. Breastpump purchases are now tax deductible, and the Affordable Care Act has added breastfeeding protections for working women.

Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary, US Department of Health & Human Services

Healthcare disparities stifle opportunities for minorities.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. singled out health disparities as an important issue linked with freedom.
We need more doctor’s offices in underserved communities to encourage early treatment.
The Affordable Care Act expands community health centers, which serve minority communities.
We already have the Health Service Corps, which is like the Peace Corps for healthcare, in which the federal government pays the student loans of healthcare professionals who work in underserved communities.
We need minority healthcare providers who offer cultural competence and language skills.
Minorities are less likely to have health insurance, and the Affordable Care Act is the strongest tool to fight healthcare disparities.
Examples of our programs include the A Million Hearts Program, to prevent a million heart attacks and strokes using smoking cessation, aspirin therapy, and cholesterol control.
We are confident that the Affordable Care Act is constitutional, we are involved in aggressive implementation of the law now so people know what they stand to lose, and we will be ready if the Supreme Court decides it is unconstitutional.
We ask for your help to reach out to the most vulnerable populations with a preenrollment campaign for healthcare coverage before 2014.

Dr. Nadine Gracia, Acting Deputy Assistant Secretary for Minority Health & Director of the Office of Minority Health, US Department of Health and Human Services

We are making efforts to increase linguistic competency, including in the rural outreach program
$11 billion is going toward community health centers
We want to capitalize on the reach of social media.
Health is interlinked with economics. For example, many people lack access to grocery stores, and their neighborhoods do not offer safe spaces for jogging.

All in all, the Townhall was a great experience, but I would have liked to see greater diversity at the event (many minorities were underrepresented). I was impressed that the Surgeon General made herself so accessible to the event attendees and that the Office of Minority Health even exists. Attending this event opened my eyes to even more minority health issues and the importance of making our voices heard in the systems that govern our lives.

What do you think are the biggest health issues facing South Asian Americans? Is there anything else you wanted to know about the event? Share in the comments.